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| BAG
OPEN KAPUT? |
| Bag
Open 5 - Clash of the Titanic Egos |
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| Bushwood
CC, November 17, 2001 (AP)
Scarred
by controversy, pettiness, and
ineptitude, this year's Bag Open, the
fifth playing of this once sacred event
was the last Bag Open to be played. Won
by Jay
"Chicken Legs" Alexander,
the event will mercifully be put to
death. Event founder and Godfather, King
Bag, Slash
and Burn Laird, abdicated the throne
of event organizer at 5:17 PM on
November 17th, 2001, thereby sealing the
fate of the tournament. "I've HAD
it!" Slash intoned, "I do my
best to bring off a classy event, and
all I'm met with is criticism and abuse!",
"Not only did Lumpy
not make the starting grid this year, he
also failed to produce a Beer Bitch as
promised!", continued Slash.
"And for the first time ever, we
actually had a player (Village
Idiot) quit during the
event!" "Overall, I am one
very bitter sonofabitch!" |
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| Chicken
Legs becomes only Bag to repeat as
Champion |
| Click
here for Chicken's Reaction to his Play
(Windows Media Player) |
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| In a
series of events that can only be
described as chaotic, Jay "Chicken
Legs" Alexander emerged as victor
in what was most certainly the last Bag
Open to be played. Despite a vast
multitude of improprieties, including
blatant cheating, incessant whining, no
shows by both Lumpy Byers and his Beer
Bitch, Chicken was undoubtedly the
winner of the 5th Annual Bag Open, and
the only repeat victor. It was
clear that Chicken led the group in
simple golfing incompetence from the
very first blow of this year's event.
This despite the ever resourceful
efforts of the Village. Had it not been
for an obvious, open faced driver impropriety
on the 14th hole, the Village would have
been in the hunt down to the wire. It
was not to be though, as the Village opted
to QUIT after being accessed a 2 stroke
deduction from his score on the 14th.
Village contests this fact, now saying
he simple WITHDREW! See Village
Sees the Light (below) This marked the first time a bag has
actually gotten so teary eyed as to
actually pick up his ball and go home.
Thus, the event was denied what could
have been a classic 18th hole duel
between these twin brothers. CHOP
Thompson and Jungle
Dave Roszman were simply too damned
good to mount even a half-assed
challenge in this year's event. Slash
and Burn was in the hunt until mid-way
into the back nine when a series of pars
eliminated him from contention. |
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| Village
fesses up, sees error of his ways! |
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| The
2001 Bag Open Field |
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Left to
Right: Chicken, CHOP, Village, Slash, Jungle Dave, and
Lumpy |
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Photos |
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click for
larger image |
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A
Positive Note
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It
must be said that there was one
positive thing about the 2001
Bag Open. Given the duty
of providing food for the event,
CHOP Thompson came through with
flying colors. He, and undoubtedly
Mrs. CHOP, provided chicken
wings, bean dip, taco dip and a
myriad of other foodstuffs for
the other Bags. Their efforts
were much appreciated by the
other contestants and surely
prevented any serious cases of
alcohol poisoning.
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