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Stylish?, YES! Latest clubs?, YES!
Got the Pro walk down pat?, YES! Can talk the talk?, YES!
Slower than shit?, YES! Can play?, NO! Golf etiquette?,
NONE! Clog up an entire golf course?, ABSOLUTELY!
Add em all up and you get The Handcocks,
the devil's own golf ambassadors from HELL! These four complete idiots
from god only knows where seriously threatened both our sanity and the
entire 2001 Jekyll Island golf trip. Our group had the nearly terminal
misfortune of being right behind these four fools from Hades every
damned day! Picture this, four 30-ish lads resplendent in the
latest Ashworth and Nike attire, high dollar Footjoy golf shoes,
wielding the finest golfing apparatus money can buy, right down to the
$30 Titleist towels and $150 umbrellas, strutting around the BLUE tee
box, like refugees from the G-damned PGA TOUR, AND - not being able to
play a lick! Then, they top it all off by hitting a bucket of
balls each, in the trees, right and left, and playing so slowly that is
was, at times hard to detect any movement at all! It was like a
Chinese fire drill, with Handcocks all over the place, junk right, junk
left, what a mess. Nobody was ever ready to hit a shot, they all
preferred to drive around and witness each member of their troupe flail
away, skank by painful skank.
Our group, composed of two threesomes,
waited and waited, even after joining up as a six-some at times! And of
course, these cretins never offered to let us go through. It was readily
apparent that these turds spend way too much time watching the
professionals on TV. Boys, take a letter, what you see on the tube is
NOT golf as it's really meant to be played. The rest of the world does
not have time to f*ck around waiting for you golfing groupies to style
around like your idols on the telly. Judging by what I witnessed in
early December of this year, none of you will ever be worth a shit.
If your local course tolerates your crap, fine, take you act out there
and leave the rest of the planet alone!
So there you go, Handcocks, get a clue
of some kind. And, I might add, this goes for all the other slower than
hell wannabes out there clogging up golf courses everywhere. Speed
up, or get the hell off the course!
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