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King Bag,

First off I owe the Bag Clan an apology. I'm SORRY for my actions that beautiful Nov. 17th. The whole day was destined for doom from the beginning. It was the ominous fog and uncharacteristically warm weather. Say what you want to about the decision I made at this years Bag Open, it makes no difference.  I did what I felt was right for the Bag Open field and the legend of the Bag Open. By withdrawing form the Bag Open Field on 17 green I kept from damaging the outcome of the tournament.  I blatantly cheated on 14 and accumulated a 2 stroke deduction.  I then proceeded to chop up 17 on purpose to get back in it.  While approaching the green I thought to myself "I don't want to win like this.  I'm taking away from the glory of a Bag Open victory if I do." So I did the only fair thing and WITHDREW from the tournament.  Not QUIT.  Being the first two time winner of the Bag Open is a special thing. I didn't want my second victory to be marred by controversy.  Congrats to the winner, Big Jay, he deserved it. I can't believe you're going to throw away the Bag Open because you don't know how to control your kids. You might be more worthless than the Lump who was supposed to get the Beer Bitch or the Chop who declared on 3 tee that he was going to birdie out. If the Bag Open never gets played again it will be a great travesty.  I think we'd be better off doing away with the giving putts and the stroke additions and deductions. If winning is that important to someone that needs to cheat then so be it. I almost fell into that trap so I know it's not hard.  I claim ignorance as well as blaming the "Nectar Of The Gods".  Tee it up and let the worst player win.  Whoever said in the beginning of this time honored tradition that they actually wanted to win. NOBODY.  It was go out and play the best drunken golf you could and then be known as the worst player in the Bag Clan.  It should be more about the comradery and beer drinking than winning. I understand that now.  I agree with Chop, I don't want to ever win the Bag Open again. I want to lose every year and drink with my friends instead.  Hell with it. I think in the best interest of the Bag Open and it's players we better have a meeting at your house so we can get drunk, woops, I mean discuss the future of the Open.  Someone has to take control of this situation. It has to be the KING BAG who shows leadership in this time of turmoil.  KING BAG you need to point all of us in the right direction and return this tournament to it's glory days.  If anyone can do it it's you.  Why don't you reach down and grab a set and fix this tournament. You sound like a quitting, whining cry baby now.  (Sniff, sniff) I 'm not going to have this tournament anymore.  BOO HOO you piece of shit.  Suck it up.  You're the KING BAG act like it damn it.  Tell people how it's going to be, don't ask people their opinion. Or are you to old and decrepit. You old fart. Quit taking shit from people and be the leader you need to be.  We idolize you for a reason. 

YOU ARE THE KING OF ALL BAGS.  Lead us to the promised land savior.

Thank You For Your Precious Time,
Krazichienski Meloncraniac (aka The Village Idiot) 

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