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While you await some content, which will again include photos, scoring stats, reminisces, stories, awards, podcasts (others welcome), I also promise a return of the QUIZ, please find the 2008 Jekyll Island Swings, links at left courtesy of Brian.

I've converted Brian's original videos to WMV's and added titles and credits, reducing the file sizes to something manageable for online viewing.

I have been asked, on many occasions, to speak on the subject of the card game commonly known as Horse.  As I have been playing this card game for as long as I could speak I probably am the world's leading authority on the correct manner of playing this fine, fine, super-fine game.

It is my sincere hope that what the young, aspiring Horse player may learn from my instruction will lead them, eventually, after many years of extensive practice, to become a better Horse player. 

There are some basic tenets of the game that must be mastered if the player is ever to consistently win games. These tenets absolutely must be learned and there is no deviation ever allowed! 

In this installment of Hemi on the Game of Horse we will explore the most basic of all these tenets.  This tenet requires that you always get trump out first if you have the lead! Your Aces are NOT WORTH A SHIT, so NEVER ON ANY OCCASION try to slide an off suit Ace in as your lead.  You must always lead trump, even if YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!!  It makes no difference if you run your hapless partner out of trump and insure that he hasn't a prayer of ever taking a trick, always lead trump.  I repeat, GET THEM OUT FIRST!!  Play in a game with me as your partner and disrespect this tenet and I will personally kick your ass.

In a developing story first brought to us by our source inside the breakfast room, it seems that members of the Laird group have been using ice created by the Quality Inn ice machines to cool down beverages in "coolers".

The official statement out of the group refers to trash cans having no insulating features, but also contains vague and off the wall references to selling gold, back to back big horses, and setting 'coon traps.

We contacted the Quality Inn and they tell us "we will remain vigilant in enforcing our rules of non-cooler ice usage.

We also plan on implementing new rules prohibiting access of the Internet by way of our WiFi, and severely limiting the use of our waffle makers to make waffles."

ADDENDUM:

It seems that the Quality Inn did not take kindly to my ice thievery.  I learned last night that they charged me twice for the room.  I thought they only did this if you paid with a gas card, but it seems that they nabbed me too.  I would advise all in the group to check their statement.

I called the Quality Inn this morning to alert them of their problem, and they replied that they were only seeing one charge per their records.  I was told that "Sheila" would be in tomorrow and that "Sheila" might be able to help me.  I then called my credit card company, and they chuckled and said they would reverse the charge and send notification out to the vendor.  Sorry Quality Inn. 

Final Score - Quality Inn 1, Chase 1

See related waffle story below

What was child's play for a 48 year old Polish illegal continually baffled all members of the 2008 Laird Jekyll Island Golf Trip.  Captured at left in this somewhat grainy surveillance photo was one Matt Fletcher, going the route of the plastic fork in an attempt to dislodge his waffle from said machine.

In what became a dizzying display of culinary ineptitude, various members of the 10 man crew made repeated dismal attempts at conquering the dastardly contraption, all with the same fruitless result.

What appeared to be a simple task for the non-English speaking Eastern European dinette attendant was clearly outside the bounds of expertise of anyone in the group.  

AP News - After a thorough investigation, a crack team of NSA agents has discovered that the fabled Jekyll Island courses are actually measured in meters rather than yards.

The investigation was recently launched as a hapless bunch of hacks from up north left the Golden Isle.

"I swear, that 6,200 yard course played more like 7,000 yards," swore one member of the clan after another. One hack confided, "I haven't hit an iron all week."

The group, attempting to check their egos at the door, had come up with the following excuses:

 

Hey, we're below Sea Level

The courses were just over-seeded with Rye

We're out of prime season

It's cold

We're always into the wind

It's wet

We suck

All of these excuses found the boys laying the hammer down to a 5-iron from 150 yards rather than the smooth eight. One member of the group, who considered quitting the game, expressed a great sigh of relief upon learning that the course yardage was flawed. "Now I can put my junk back in my pants," he said.

The conspiracy, a grand one, was orchestrated by the island to keep away Japanese tourists and proved very effective. "Those little bastards would get so frustrated trying to get approach shots to the green...they left in droves and never returned." The riddle was cracked by two experienced Jekyll hands. Said one, "I will never come down here without a Sky Caddie again. Ever. I will beg, borrow, or steal to get one." Said another, "The key is all brown...as in, what can brown do for me? One day on the dark juice reduced the game to its simplest form - Eye it up, and then add three clubs."

Others tried to tame the beasts with varying success. One swing that seemed to work was the toed skull...perfect. One the other hand, one golfer tried to play the whole week without disturbing a blade of grass, and now is in the hospital with back spasms. But, his clubs remain squeky clean.

Switching gears, I'll throw a few awards:

Shrinkage award - Andy Bratt on 17 at Pine Lakes

Most toed irons - Shad Huffer...followed closely by Larry Laird

Most woods hit (all of them) - Craig Fletcher

Best birdie putt - Hemi on number 13 at Pine Lakes - 80 footer from off the green and into the clown's mouth

Best par (me) - OK, it's bragadocius, but the par on 12 at Oleander after a ball in the water is one I'll remember a while.

Purplest Greens - Oleander

Scratch-off King - Craig Fletcher - allowed him to pay for the golf trip twice

Special thanks: Steve for bringing the beer and snacks, Larry for buying the Beam, Andy and Matt for bringing the grill and meat, Brian for the rides all week. I'm forgetting things, but hell, it was great to see all of you. 50 more weeks to Jekyll.