Winning Essay

For me, the Jeckyll Island trip (or at least a preview of such) started in 1994, when on the spur of the moment, Steve and Phil were traveling south to visit uncle Chuck, in Southern Pines for a quick long weekend of debauchery. At the very last second (literally), I tagged along for my first Laird family golf trip and we sped to North Carolina in Steve’s Intrepid with the sunroof down the entire way (hell, it was the beginning of March and almost over 45 degrees). As this was my first time golfing since high school (and thus first time swinging a golf club after growing 7 inches taller after the senior year golf season), and contracting pneumonia from the drive down, I had absolutely no game. After trying 9 different sets of clubs to no avail, the trip was relegated to only hitting tee balls and playing drunker than shit ping-pong at the Elks. Although I found it strange that the entire trip’s diet consisted of Lance crackers and Cashews (for both cost savings and diet purposes), little did I know it was a preview of the one-week a year lifestyle we’ve come to know as Jeckyll. You see, the reason for the Sam’s Club style snacks are to keep the cost of the trip at exactly $700 (say), for each of the Lairds (and now, Matt (Andy) and Chad) have a pre-nuptial agreement with their respective wives that allow for one long weekend, which has now been extended to Tuesday thru Monday following. For this, the wives are afforded 359 days of bitching about anything they want. Yes, there’s nothing like rolling up to the Holiday Inn “just down the road” from the airport and seeing the Laird clan, even though it’s a year later, seems like last weekend. Newcomers to the trip often panic as to how we are going to find each other at “some hotel down the road”, but it’s magically never a problem. The trip starts off with an adrenaline filled warm up round, where everyone has there best round, only to be shocked when the scoring the rest of the week is in direct correlation to the amount of alcohol and tobacco products used. When asked about Jeckyll from outsiders, I describe it as cousin Avi described London in the Guy Ritchie film “Snatch”…”London. You know, fish, chips, cup o’ tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary Fucking Poppins; London!”…”Jeckyll. You know, burgers, fingers, crystal meth, bad restaurants, worse water, Han Fucking Cocks; Jeckyll!” They also wonder why anyone in their right minds would play 11+ rounds of golf in 6 days on an island, and never see the water. Many traditions have developed during this fun filled week, many of them forgettable. One of my favorites, after smoking 19 packs of cigarettes, is arriving at the Laird household in Jacksonville, and to have Carol greet us like we just got back from the war and immediately tell Steve how bad he smells and there’s no goddamn way he is sleeping in the house tonight without shaving. She then remembers that there are deadly snakes outside and quickly invites him back in for the best tasting chili this side of the nuthouse. Yes, many family vacations are often ruined by the long-shoreman like swear words that become the vernacular after a week at jeckyll with the boys. And Joe better watch his ass about the principal of the thing. As we all part ways, we all go away satisfied with another year of debauchery, giggling like schoolgirls and wondering how Amy does it.